Feather Wand

Daniel Boone was a healing, transformative forest immersion. I was able to take the edge off my craving for unstructured life in the woods, and as a family unit, we finally dropped in and found our groove.

10/10/2020

       This is the trickiest parking job so far, given how narrow the road is and how direct the campsite across the street is from ours. Fortunately, there is still some daylight to aid in our arrival. How did we manage this small miracle of illumination? We must be getting better at this. The campers across the street are sitting outside their tent having dinner, so we get an audience for this one. The kids have reached their most manic point of the day. (I think I am starting to see a trend here; everyone loses control of their faculties as we approach our destination. We have pushed it to the melting point and they’ve all morphed into little, squawking, Tasmanian devils) So, things are very loud inside the truck cab. We roll in so hot on these quiet little campgrounds, I can’t help but imagine our fellow campers with their eyes rolled back in their heads, cursing us for ruining their peace and quiet…… here comes Cousin Eddie and the crew…..

        Matt has almost completely backed the rig in when the couple across the way starts hollering….  Too late, and BAM…the truck takes out a post (one that marks their campsite). From my spot behind the camper’s ass I could not see it at all, and apparently from up in the driver’s seat it also wasn’t visible. Everybody jumps out of the car, and the kids are trying to figure out what just happened. And boy when they do…. they just go to town. “Daddy hit that pole!!! Did you see that?!? Daddy why did you hit that? Are you going to fix it? Will they be mad at us?   Are we going to be allowed to stay here?” …… Every time we pass this trivial little post….for the rest of the weekend… “remember when daddy nocked that pole down, hehehe” .  I swear if you ever make a mistake as a parent, you will just never hear the end of it.

 The couple across the way end up applauding Matt on his parking skills. They can’t get over how easy he made it look, maneuvering the truck and trailer into place. Damn right, that’s MY man……. sexy is being able to park an RV in my humble opinion. The general consensus is that that post’s location is illogical, and that no rig would be able to make it in to that specific campsite with it in place. So basically, we did the campground a favor. Moving on!

        We set up a real camp. We haven’t set up like this since our weekend at Jordan Lake outside of Raleigh. Floor mat out, chairs, hammock, full outdoor kitchen up, ALL the outside toys… bikes, scooters, skateboards, skates….it was GLORIOUS. The kids are immediately on the wheeled device of their choice and tearing up the inviting, flat, smooth concrete pathways. Praise be! they are getting their wiggles out and they are no longer living 1.5 feet behind my head. We get to enjoy the new spot for a tiny bit before the dark sets in. Man, I hope I can sleep tonight.

      10/11/2020

We wake to more rain. Yesterday and today we have been traveling through the tail end of hurricane Delta, so things have been wet. The temperature is remarkable though. I thought we were going to freeze the whole trip, but WV, and now Kentucky have been incredibly warm for what I am expecting out of an October. The kids are up and predictably “starving”. Food is the only thing on their obsessive minds. They are circling me like ravenous vultures and Timber is barking to go out and handle her biz. By some stroke of good fortune, I’ve already got my rain gear on (at this preposterously early morning hour) I lock eyes with Matt from across the camper and then make a mad dash for the dog leash. Bangarang, I’m outta here. He is just as capable of handling breakfast as I am, right?

Not to get too serious, but I’m going to dive into something here. I am trying to shift some ways of thinking that I have become imprisoned by over the years. With Matt very heavily involved in starting his business, I found myself in the position of doing almost all the child-rearing and house management alone. Whatever was going on with the kids it was pretty much on me to handle, because Matt physically was not home for so many hours every day. And a lot of times when he was home, his mind was occupied with overwhelming work demands. I don’t fault him for this, and I actually admire the tenacity and dedication he showed in making his business a success. But he has been all work, and I have been all kids. This parallel existence became our norm. The schedule was that Matt worked all week (every waking second) and then I would work a day at the hospital on the weekend (that way we never had any childcare needs).  Dadurdays…. The kids still longingly reminisce on dadurdays…. When they got to eat all the junk foods and watch aaaallllll the t.v……I know they wish I would still run off for a 12 hr shift on the weekend so they could have their way with Daddy. It was a divisive lifestyle, and not sustainable. We were rarely all together, and the stress from the load each of us was carrying was becoming too much. Parenting is a two-person job, and marriage is a partnership. We realized this just in the nick of time to salvage our relationship and family life, and now that we have brought the awareness, we are trying to live a more cohesive and unifying daily life. Basically we are trying to re-write the script we have been living for the last 7ish years.. I really only mention this because I imagine there are folks that might be able to relate. I think its common in marriages/partnerships for us to fall into specific rolls maybe unintentionally, for one career to take the lead while another takes a backseat. Some couples are faced with the almost impossible management of two big careers. Then you throw in some kids and parenting, and all the other life stuff?!!?? I mean wtf?? How are we all doing this? And single parents, mad respect to yall.

I reflect on all this as Timber and I walk through an empty campsite and down a trail over to the lake. I don’t have to make the kids breakfast everyday…. Matt is here with us, we are all together all the time now, and I need to release my brain from thinking that it is solely my responsibility to meet the kids nutritional needs.  We walk up on a giant gaggle of geese that are sitting back in this cove, and give them quite the spook. They all take flight in an orchestrated upheaval. I can feel the wind from their flapping wings hit me in the face, and I absorb the whooshing sound that accompanies their levitation. It is spectacular. I let Timber off the leash for a while and she does zoomies all around the lake’s edge. The motionless body of water is completely besieged by mountains. The early morning grays, coupled with the fog and rain over the water, washes everything into the same muted color palette. It looks like a Monet. I stand and enjoy the scenery and solitude for as long as I possibly can. But, the rain starts to come down harder, and my curiosity as to what might be happening back at camp sets in.  I return to Matt on the phone and the kids still unfed………oh well, baby steps……..but I am refreshed and ready to whip up some oatmeal.

After breakfast we get the kids all geared up in their waterproof garb and walk down to the spot Timber and I had scoped out. They go wild at the presence of water and are exhilarated to be playing in the rain. They are exploring the lakes edge, and of course trying to get as close as possible to the actual water. Timber is back to tearing around and gets the kids all riled up. We hike along the shore a little ways, just seeing what we can see.  It is all fun and games until everyone’s boots start getting stuck in the mud. Next thing we know, the kids are screaming about dying in quicksand and we are having to dig everyone out of the muck. Time to head back to camp and clean up. We find a pumpkin on the way back, very freshly carved and in great condition, so Matt brought it back to our camp.  The boys spend some time hanging outside in the rain and beating up the new pumpkin friend with a shovel ……really achieving maximum saturation. After we coax everyone inside to dry up; the loveliest, laziest, slow morning sets in. Reading, games, cuddles, naps, snacks, and even some ipad time. There were some sweet sibling moments that came out in this quiet time in the camper. Some un prompted “I love yous” and cute little cozy ups. Matt got caught up on work and was a whole new, lighter version of himself by the time we left the camper again.

When the rain slows later that afternoon we get on the bikes and ride to the beach a couple campground loops over. The misty weather is still totally enchanting, and everyone is stoked to be out on an explore. When we reach the heavy pebbled shores of the beach, we are welcomed with a quadruple version of the goose evacuation I witnessed this morning. There are probably 100 geese that were previously peaceably minding their business of shitting all over the shore, who have now caught site of Timber and are now trying to flee. The kids can’t believe their eyes when the birds all lift up out of the water and fly off, and for a moment they are frozen in place, awestruck. The birds don’t go too far though, just a wee bit off shore.. close enough to tease the dog into thinking she can swim out to them (which she attempts repetitively). Jack and I have wandered down the beach a little bit. He is seeking out the best rocks to throw into the water, and I take the opportunity to sneak in a quick little stretch.  I am not entirely sure why, but I always feel called to stretch my weary body when in the presence of a grand, majestic backdrop. After a moment, I catch the bigs out of my side eye, and they have stripped down and are exuberantly splashing around in the water, their little shrieks of happiness echoing around the lake.

This is it. We are here, in this moment, as a family, and completely engulfed in the beauty of the experience of being alive and being immersed in the natural world. Henry and Isabelle are having the best time with each other, albeit whatever game they are playing out in the water involves a whole lot of poop talk… Jack is in his element hauling off rocks into the lake and marveling over all the “gucks”… and Matt is frolicking with Timber, very visibly at peace in this moment.  We probably spend an hour out here, talking, being silly, playing games, and picking up trash.  Isabelle and Henry have come up with a hilarious game they call Feather Wand. They pretend they have magic wands and then command someone’s body parts to do things like “heavy head”, “arms don’t work” “meow like a cat”, “only walk backwards”, “talk in slow motion”, “walk in slow motion”… and they will throw all kinds of combos at you until you are looking like a rabid zombie shuffling down the beach.. If anyone had been around, they might have actually been scared. The whole experience is transcendental. Something changed out on that beach. We leave happier, and more bonded. We are all vibrating on the same frequency, which is almost impossible achieve. Nobody is ever on the same page, but we are damn close in this moment. It was a turning point for the trip.

We head back to camp soaked through for the second time today. Of note, we see a group of wild turkeys and some fresh bear skat on the way back. The other excursion of the late afternoon is to the bathhouse. We are all very ripe at this point and in major need of scrubbing. This is not my favorite activity….. As much as I want everyone to get good and clean, these bathhouses don’t actually feel like the right environment for that. They are more of a scene from a haunted house…spiders dangling from the ceiling, creepy plastic shower curtains, hairballs lurking in the bottom of the shower. DON’T TOUCH THAT!!!!

The calm and peace continues throughout the evening. Matt makes a perfectly crafted fire, we whip up an easy camping meal of tacos (that for once EVERYONE devours), and we spend the night out under the stars, the rain having finally dried up. The kids rotate in and out of the camper a bit, but Matt and I really get to kick back and enjoy the evening. I am blessed with a poignant hammock swing with my big girl, Iz. So often I feel she gets shoved off. Being the oldest, she gets left to fend for herself more than I would like. I know it’s the natural progression, but there are times when I struggle to give her the attention she needs. She comes out and gets in the hammock with me and we swing the night away, listening to the sweet sound of the Avett Brothers and a crackling fire. We talk and giggle and I wrap my arms tight and drink in the sight and smell of her. She is growing and changing at an alarmingly rapid rate. I can’t believe my first born is large enough to occupy this much space in the hammock. Isabelle is truly a remarkable person, she has so much to offer this world and I am honored to be her mama. When I look down, I still see the beautiful, round baby face that I recognize from so many years ago. “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be” Anybody read that book? The kids use to challenge me to reading it just to see my cry…. so I hid it because it absolutely crushes me. Jane, you gave me that one when Isabelle was born.

Iz is jubilant to receive the physical contact and one on one time, and I am as well. Matt is our willing gondolier, keeping us swaying all evening.  This day and night nourishes my soul.  It is a peak on the roller coaster that is this trip… really the roller coaster that is life in general.