Bluegrass, and Horse Blues

10/12/2020

I am telling yall, we left Daniel Boone next level.

The drive is already going 1000 times better than any car time we have logged thus far. The kids have finally figured out how to occupy themselves without their activity solely consisting of fighting.  They have their books, coloring, action figures, harmonicas, idiosyncratic games they have devised, and SNACKS… so many snacks. The sound track to the car ride is “Mo nack mama”.  That’s Jack… his way of occupying his car time is eating. Its a habit at this point…. one that will have to be remedied along with the incessant potty humor. As soon as he is buckled in the car, “nack peeease mama”….. At least he has good manners.

       Our goal today is to make it to Illinois. Of course I want to stop EVERYWHERE in Kentucky, but we all know this tired ole story… we’ve got to get to Illinois he says.  I have doubts that this is going to happen, so I am dragging my feet on making a reservation for a camp tonight.  I really just  don’t know exactly how far we will get, or how many “activities” I can talk Matt into…..planning is really, quite tricky y’all. I do have us lined up for a stop in Lexington for lunch, and a tour of Keenland.  We are about desperate for some non-camping food and ready to test the waters of actually going into a restaurant for service.   I choose Blue Door Smokehouse based off online reviews and plug it in to the GPS. Matt is wheeling and dealing on the phone per usual, so some missed exits and wrong turns are inevitable. I am secretly growing to love this.  It takes us a little extra time to get to our destination, but we get more of a tour this way. Our new route has us pass the JIF factory, look kids! That’s where your peanut butter comes from!

When we finally pull up to Blue Door Smokehouse… it looks like a total hole in the wall.. it hardly looks like anything…. A blue door with a smoke house behind it. The name leaves nothing up to the imagination. I can’t really tell what part of the city we are in… it kind of reminds me of maybe like an Edgewood in Atlanta… some little cusp of the city being gentrified. We enter tentatively to find that it is take out only…. there goes my aspiration to be “waited on”. Keep dreaming lady. We order our bar b que to go and head back out to the rig. I set up a picnic blanket on the sidewalk outside of this restaurant shack, at the end of a residential street. Let the weird looks begin. I honestly do not care one bit, anything is better than trying to feed everyone in the car… with the food snatching canine lurking down below, and the overall clumsiness of food handling that seems to inevitably occur. I cannot account for how much food has been lost to the pooch so far. But, daaannnnggg… Blue Door delivers a real punch to the tastebuds. The food is divine. The kids make an insane mess between the bar b que sauce and the baked beans, but it was well worth the delicious, hot food that some other kind soul has prepared for us. This place is definitely worthy of its great reviews, and is the type of bbq joint where they smoke their meat daily, and stay open until it sells out. Come to think of it, they were already out of ribs by the time we got there, but we still snagged some delicious treats. Tummy’s full and bladders empty, its on to Keenland.

The drive to Keenland has us going through a big section of downtown Lexington. It is an interesting experience to be in a city after a couple weeks in the rural areas of our country. I find myself comparing and contrasting the vibe of this city to Atlanta. It seems legit. It’s got some decent buildings, a college downtown, a variety of neighborhoods, the rich horseracing history…… I bet it’s a cool place to visit. The kids are absolutely freaking because there are statues of horses (hee-hees) EVERYWHERE. They are having a blast spotting them all. We pass by some impressive old historical homes , which is a highlight for me anywhere we go. I have an attraction to antique architecture. You could consider “old homes” on my list of favorite things. Abruptly, we are out of the city and are now gazing upon field after field of the white fenced pastures of Keenland. Wow, this looks fancy… goodness they have their own airport??? Where exactly are we going, this place looks insane?! We approach what looks like the entrance to this opulent complex, and turn in. Oops, wrong entrance…..shocking. It appears we are now in a line to check in as “racers/racecrew”. HAHAHAHAHA, How funny when we pull up with a camper of kids, and not a million dollar racing horse. Its fine, we can get through here as common folk too, but man we had a good laugh about it.

        I did not know a thing about Keenland when I threw it on the itinerary. I do not claim to be enlightened to the world of horse racing. It just came up in a google search, and I knew that it would be an immensely popular activity amongst the horse freaks in the family…. which is pretty much all of us. Isabelle, in particular, is proving to be a very passionate horse lover and has made it known that her one true desire in this life to own a horse. She was all signed up for her first horse camp this summer before the damn COVID took over. She would have had a blast with it, but these things can wait. In comparison to what some individuals and families have lost to COVID, I will not be so remiss as to complain about losing a summer camp.  Jack has also developed a kinship with hee-hees. We have some horse figurines that he has always been drawn to, and on this trip, his favorite thing to spy out of his window is horses.  So, I am feeling confident that this next stop is going to win mom some cool points.

Holy shit. I did not at all realize what Keenland represented from my brief google search… I just thought a horse farm, where we could see some horses… cool, perfect. I have since educated myself, and Keenland… Keenland…. it is like the crème de la crème of Thoroughbred horse wheeling and dealing. It is an international mecca of racing, training, breeding, and auctioning. Founded in 1936, the vision was to provide the best in racing and horse sales with a mission to preserve the tradition and advance the industry. It feels like we are driving up on royalty. The sprawling hills, corrals, training rinks, stables… the pristine racetrack and grandstand are a glory to behold. The landscaping of the parking lot alone was something to marvel over. There are rows and row of gorgeous, yellowing trees amongst the perfectly kept grass. This place just screams elegance and grace. I look around the truck cab…. we are disgusting, absolutely filthy… Jack is COVERED in the remains of about 100 snacks, Henry is wearing a bathing suit and rash guard paired with flip flops ( of course), Isabelle has a very mismatched and dirty clothing situation (better than Jammies like usual), Matts got lunch sauce on his white T….I’m covered in dog hair and haven’t taken a proper look in the mirror in days… am I even wearing a bra??.. Can we taint this place with our presence?? We wipe down and clean up to the best of our ability, Keenland we are coming for ya.

The compound is only open to the public on Monday and Tuesday, so we are lucky our timing worked out to be passing through on a Monday. But it is surprisingly quiet. It seems like everyone here is working.  Keenland hosts a fall race, so my assumption is that everyone is busy getting prepared for the event. First, we check out the racetrack and grandstand. It looks like a scene from a movie. I spend a minute picturing myself in attendance of an actual horserace. I imagine it to be quite exhilarating, the fancy outfits and hats, the finest food and spirits being served, bets being placed, the thrill of upcoming sport! I mean this is all my imagination, it might not be anything like that, but its a fun vision. I don’t know if there are any Peaky Blinders fans here, but you better believe my daydream has me hanging on the arm of Tommy Shelby. Wink Wink. The horse racing world is clearly foreign to me, but I can dig it. I’m sure it’s all disgusting and corrupt deep down like everything else in our society, but there is a glamor to this culture that has a strong pull.

         We find the gift shop next…. Of course the kids sniffed out the giftshop…   It takes them less than 5 minutes to all pick out these little miniature stuffed racehorses. I just can’t deny them, they ARE really cute….  Go ask your Dad. Jack is toddling around hugging on his saying “ hee-hee”   Yes, yes, FINE, yall can have these ridiculously over priced souvenirs to remember our time at this prestigious horse facility. I can tell the ladies working the store have noted our less than cleanly appearance, so I skedaddle us out as quick as possible.

        From the gift shop we go check out the paddock. This is where the grooms walk the horses around prior to the race to keep them calm and warmed up. Again I’m having so much fun picturing it all. The kids have discovered that their new horse friends have buttons that make the sound of a horse neighing and hooves on cobblestone.  So, they are racing their horses around everywhere we go, really just being as cute as they possibly can be. They are having so much fun with their new friends, that it makes it a very satisfactory purchase for Matt and I.  Jack names his Dirt, Isabelles’ Snow ball, and Henrys’ Black Bolt. There is a row of jockey statues, fashioned in the colors of past winners. The kids stand up next to them, just about the same height. 

Just a funny little horse anecdote to tie in here…. When the lock down happened back in March, Isabelle and her cousin Keating spent a lot of time face-timing and playing games with each other over the phone. They both have these matching large plastic horses that they spend a lot of time playing with. They concocted a plan for their horses to get married. This somehow snowballed into a full blown event. The whole extended family was invited to a Zoom wedding for the girls’ horses. From CA to, GA, to NC we had folks tuned in for the wedding of the quarantine. The décor, flowers and outfits were planned and executed to the T. Poor Jacob was put on the spot to MC the event, which we found out in the moment was actually a lesbian horse wedding. This is of course totally fine, just a funny little surprise twist to commentate on. I was doubled over laughing through the whole thing. It was a highlight of lock down. Can you imagine zooming in to fake horses in wedding dresses ,walking down flower petal adorned and candle lit aisles? Hilarious.

We find the stables next. There are several horses out on a grassy knoll with their caretakers. The kids are so excited to see some hee-hees up close, but at the same time are utterly devastated that they can’t ride them. This kicks off a full meltdown for Isabelle…. something along the lines of “ I just want a horse so bad it hurts, can we have one? I will get a job and work and pay for it, I have to touch that horse, I have to ride that horse, I need a horse, I have to have a horse, this is so unfair, etc, etc, etc… tears” … I am slightly embarrassed by this reaction from my big girl but choose to admire the passion for horses she has identified in herself. Good for you for tapping into a life passion at such a young age (She also has a bit of a flare for drama). I encourage her that one day, if she works hard enough, I believe she will achieve her goal of horse ownership. But GOODNESS, can’t you, for now, just appreciate the current epic experience you are having?!?!

  I wish I had a trainer that would get me looking like one of these racehorses. They are so incredibly lean and muscular. They truly look like the most perfect specimens of their breed; absolutely  stunning. I do wonder what a horse like this would cost? I will be shocked if we are able to ever pull these kids away from the stables. They have climbed up on the white fence and are captivated by the horses…. Isabelle still whimpering over her current upset, overwhelmed by her desire to have and care for her own Thoroughbred Champion line horse. Henry has his new stuffy horse “talking” to all the other horses….. freaking precious…. And Jack is just “hee-hee” “hee-hee” the entire time. He desperately wants their attention. The whole scene is amazing. I feel honored to be in the presence of these perfect creatures.

           We get back in the car and drive around the rest of the property and it continues to astonish. The land, the barns, the stables… all so immaculately kept. It is hard to depart, but alas its time to move on.

  Once we leave Keenland we drive through Versailles, KY, which is mile after mile of gorgeous blue grass horse country. I learn that some of these farms have produced Kentucky Derby winning horses. You can feel the wealth and prosperity of this region. It is like nowhere I’ve ever been before. We drive by a castle. What is that? I do some research to find out it is Kentucky Castle, a restaurant, hotel, spa, and farm, specializing in farm to table dining, and luxury retreat. Oh, and then we pass Woodford Reserve on the left…. I mean….you can  just drop me off and leave me here…. Come back in week…..  or two. This whole area goes down on my places to come without the kids list.  But, I am also struck by the stark difference in this area of Kentucky in comparison to where we have just come from. The drastic disparity in class, cleanliness, and socioeconomic status in such a short distance. It is the dichotomy of our country as a whole.

There isn’t a whole lot to note on our drive from Lexington through the rest of Kentucky… until we get to Louisville…. Home of Cassius Clay. We let the kids watch a couple of videos about Muhammed Ali, who is notoriously from Louisville, KY. They are pretty impressed by this character who was unbeknownst to them until now. Isabelle loves the “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” line. It is a nice educational moment on many fronts; sports, training, activism, philanthropy. This has become the education tactic to the trip, we usually figure out what is significant about the area we are approaching and spend some time reading, watching videos, and discussing as we near the location. We have covered Daniel Boone, Louis and Clark, several presidents, the Kentucky Derby, oil fracking, key facts of each state we visit… there is so much to learn!!

I am blown away by the amount of bridges in Louisville…. Brown ones, yellow ones, black ones, silver ones…. old…. new… bridges EVERYWHERE. Louisville looks cool, but that’s all we can do… look at it while we pass by… again.. Just as soon as you cross over the Ohio River, you are in Indiana.  Today is going to be a big state line crossing day for us. Over the course of this trip, a particular travel theme song has developed. The kids are obsessed with The Descendants and Zombies.. two films put out by Disney, which would seem harmless right? They are blacklisted. Matt and I previewed The Descendants and thought it way too mature. We have been in a yearlong battle of wills with Henry and Isabelle over this, and I am not budging. But anyhoo, the soundtrack is pretty catchy. That is the only thing they want to hear when they win control of the radio.  One song called “ We Own the Night”  has become the family theme song, and we play it every time we cross into a new state (plus about 20 more times throughout the day). I hate to give the kids the satisfaction of enjoying these tunes, but they are damn catchy, especially this one. Silly, yes, but bonding.

Around 5:00 we cross into Indiana, ” We Own the Night” blaring. It is just going to be a quick pass thru state, but I immediately feel transported to the Enchanted Forest of the Northaldra ( any Frozen peeps here?). The leaf colors are quintessential shades of fall…yellows, oranges, burgundies….warm, yummy, feel good hues. And the sky has become blue/gray and hazy. All of a sudden the wind starts whipping, and the fallen leaves are cast up from the road and are swirling around the car, engulfing us. It is as though the wind spirit has come out to play with us as we enter a mystical land. Unfortunately, the spirit is also toying with the Shadow Cruiser. Matt’s gripping the steering wheel so hard trying to counter the twerk on the camper from the wind, clearly uncomfortable with the sensation. What kind of gale storm is this?? I look up the weather to see what we are dealing with, and right at the top there is a weather advisory regarding a cold front moving across this area, one that delivers wind gusts of 25-35 mph. We are currently existing in this weather forecast, and feeling each and every one of the gusts. I guess this is spring training for Kansas…..

As quick as we enter Indiana, we exit. Right around dusk we find ourselves in Illinois, queue “We Own the Night” and now it’s time for some dinner. Here we go with another attempt at restaurant dinning. I pick out the Red Wagon off google maps. It appears to be an archetypal Midwest truck stop diner mixed with Cracker Barrel, perfect. We arrive, exhilarated by the cooler temperatures and the sun sinking behind the cornfields surrounding the Red Wagon. This is the type of new landscape that I’ve been waiting for. Something I’ve truly never seen. Things in Illinois have become very flat, no more mountains, and lots and lots of big open farmland. The cornfield behind the Red Wagon looks like something out of a horror movie and it has my sympathetic nervous system woke. Of course the kids are just drawn to it.. what terrifying creature is going to snatch them by the back of their shirts and pluck them out of sight??? Time for dinner yall.

It is awesome inside the Red Wagon… lots of old West memorabilia on the walls, and gigantic menus to satisfy everyone’s cravings. Jack, I don’t think, has any recollection of ever being in a restaurant. He is clearly distracted by all the décor, fellow diners, and just life outside the truck in general. It is either this level of distraction, or Snack Boy is just full, but he doesn’t eat a bite. And do you know what he said when we got back in the truck?! “ mo nack mama”….. boi, I’m gonna get you.

Having successfully made it to Illinois, I book a campsite at a large nearby lake state park. We would still have an hour or so to drive, but that’s negligible these days. We head on into the dark. I notice fires burning off in the distance as we cruise down the highway. I guess Illinois does a whole lot of oil drilling, but I will tell you, that shit is creepy at night. Fires burning along a highway is unsettling for some reason.

We reach the Sandusky campground at our signature hour of 9:00. Same scene I have painted time and time again for you guys. Lots of tears, and volume is way up. The only distraction is that we see a bunch of deer, a racoon, and an armadillo. Leave it to wildlife to be the only temporary respite from everybody’s impending doom. There is extremely poor signage around here, so we end up at North Sandusky campground versus our assigned South Sandusky campground. Isabelle is whole-heartedly devastated…. But we do eventually reach our resting place for the night. It’s a relatively quick park and set up, and everyone is tucked into their beds. Three states, and countless memories made later….we are in a new spot for the evening. How was all that just one day????